hnt: hot meat

Do you ever say or think something, even just a word or phrase, and then it bounces around in your head for hours?

I had a situation like that today. My coworker and I went to one of those super-duper hot and cold salad bars, that have everything from from fruit and salads to eggrolls and pastas to the kitchen sink. So, on the way back to the office, we were discussing how difficult it is for me to go to those places, because I am always tempted to throw in food items that are not so healthy. And that is when I blurt it out... "Sometimes I just like a hot piece of meat in my mouth." Needless to say, I am now the hot meat girl of the magazine.

careful: it stains

Another perk of working in magazine-land, is that there are always interesting books around, many of which are still in the editing phase. One such book is called, Field Guide to Stains, How to Identify and Remove Virtually Every Stain Known to Man, by Friedman, Wagner, and Armstrong. It is a 280 page how-to book on removing everything from red-wine to sweat, to hummus, to Worcestershire sauce. As it says on the jacket, a must-have for everyone about to venture out into the wild, to the kitchen, or to a night out on the town! The little bit I have read is quite amusing, with interesting tips, but there is one specific entry that really jumped out at me...

Semen (I will not subject you to the photo):

General Decription:The viscid whitish fluid produced in the male reproductive organs, containing spermatozoa. On average, a man ejaculates fourteen gallons of semen in his lifetime, and reproduces only an average of 1.2 children, in the United States. This amounts to quite a bit of semen that does not reach its destination, which in turn leads to quite a few stained sheets.

Season: Semen knows no season-the human male is always ready to reproduce. Risk of staining increases, however, around the fourteen of February each year, as well as during the time "spring fever," which is epidemic, strikes.

Areas of occurrence: Sheets, pants, underwear, and towels are common places to find this stain but it is possible for semen to wind up on any piece of clothing after being swept up in the moment. Semen has been discovere as far from the mark as the floor, a t-shirt, pajama top, dress, the pillowcase, even a curtain, following extreme carelessness.

Time of occurrence: This stain may occur at any time, but early morning and late night are standard. Stains are usually found in the morning, either because they've just been created, or because daylight exposes evidence from last night's activities.

REMOVAL:
1. Hold fabric stain-side down under cold running water to force water through fabric.
2. Soak and agitate the fabric in cold water until loosened.
3. If the stain remains, rub a liquid detergent into the stain and let sit for several minutes.
4. Launder according to garment label.

Now go ahead and enjoy some good clean fun.

forgive me, it was the '80s

I'm in the Worst School Picture EVAH!! contest over at MommaK's... Can you tell which of the horrible school photos is of me??

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UPDATE: Pusher was right! #6 was my 6th grade school photo. I don't know what was worse... that body wave, the braces, the glasses, or that hideous matching hat/jacket combo (which was accompanied by a matching skirt and white tube socks with loafers)... Yikes!

It's all about the dress

It has been a very productive few weeks. The wedding plans are starting to come together, one thing at a time, in a very relaxed and not bride-zilla-ish way. And last weekend, I found THE dress, which is a load off, especially after my not-so-great Kleinfeld's experience. It is simple and elegant, and I felt great in it, so I know it will be perfect. And, future brides and/or parents of brides take note, the best part (okay, maybe not the BEST), but a good part, was that I put through an application for a new Sak's account, so we got 10% off. Granted, that barely covers the alterations fee, but it was still a nice bonus.It was overall a great experience at Saks, that is, after an initial hiccup. When we(my mother and I) first walked in, we were introduced to Austin Scarlett from season 1 of Project Runway (which I didn't watch at the time, but it is now one of my favorite shows). He was there because Saks was having a trunk show of the Kenneth Pool line for Amsale, which he is now designing. The dresses were totally not my style though, you know, tons of beading and poof, and the people there kept trying to sell us on them. No, thank you. So, finally my mom said something along the lines of: No offense, but these are way over-the-top, just totally wrong, wrong dresses, wrong people... I think at that point my cheeks turned about ten shades of red. I know that my mom meant that we were the wrong people for the dresses, but I was worried that they might interpret it as them being the wrong people (because Austin is pretty over-the-top himself and flamboyant). Austin may have taken offense, but, oh well. He'll get over it, and based on the few other brides and moms we encountered, I'm sure he has had to deal with much worse. The good thing was that our consultant Tedree definitely got the picture, and after that, it was smooth sailing. The first dress that she brought into the dressing room ended up being the one. It is a Vera Wang, but surprisingly it was a lot less expensive than most of the others that we had seen, especially with the 10% off. I tried on a few others, and there was one other that I really loved as well, that had some beautiful detailing, but the first one just felt better on, and I think that is the most important part. I have to feel comfortable whether I am this weight or 20 lbs lighter, so I can dance the night away, hora my tuchus off, and be lifted in that damn chair (something I am obviously NOT too thrilled about, but will accept because of Jewish tradition). So that was that. A glass of champagne, a few measurements, and a bunch of signatures later... Signed, sealed, delivered (6mos from now), it's ours.

time after time

What is with the resurgence of '80s-looking clothes this fall? Leggings and tights, layered skirts, shirts off one shoulder, crazy patterns, blue eyeshadow, and even *gasp* socks with heals? Yikes! The craziest part is that on certain people the 80's look is totally hot. I never thought I would utter such words. My intern, for example, is totally able to pull off the leggings look. I, on the other hand, would never think of attempting such a thing. If someone like me (read, not a teen or stick thin) tried them on, I would look like a huge mess, literally. Not a pretty picture. And no matter what the reality was, I would feel like one of those bulging women who wear leggings with oversized sweatshirts of ironed on cats and flowers. Gross. I think there should be a warning on trendy clothes. Something like, WARNING: Only wear if you are a 14-18 year-old girl, who resembles a twig or an alien. I mean, seriously, have you seen the models from this year's fashion week in Bryant Park? Scary. I wouldn't want to shake their hands, because I'd be scared that I would break them. I thought that look went out with the leggings of the '80s, but I guess that is making a comeback as well. What is this world coming to? Fortunately, there is still at least one person at a magazine who refuses to succumb.

However, when slap-bracelets make a reappearance, I'm totally there.

Am I going nuts?

When I looked in my mailbox today, what did I find with my netflix picks? A catalog addressed to me, a very specific catalog, one that I had never heard of before, called Pecans, plain and fancy. Why would I get such a catalog, devoted solely to pecans? I can't figure it out. I've never bought any sort of nuts through a catalog, internet, or anything, except maybe at a supermarket for a party. How then, did these nutty people happen upon my info? And why would they think that I would need an entire catalog for Pecans? No freakin' clue. And these nuts are not cheap. Maybe that's what they mean by "fancy." If I had $160.95 to spend on Pecan Cluster "Holly-Day" gifts or Old Fashioned Pecan Logs, I'd be thrilled, but I would have to be nuts to spend that kind of money on nuts, plain and simple.

woah.

ground zero 9/11/06

The phone parted with this one photo, but is still holding on to the rest. Will post more photos when I can.

Remembering 9/11

Emotions are high in New York today. For me, it hit home, so to speak, as the PATH train was pulling into the World Trade Center station this morning, and my ipod randomly started playing Aretha Franklin's "Amazing Grace." It was my normal commute, but it did not feel normal at all. I couldn't help but think of the people who were making the very same commute, at the very same time (8:46AM), five years ago.

As we pulled into the station, I could see rows of flags and people lined up across the vast expanse that is Ground Zero, mostly men and women in uniform, where there would normally just be a smattering of construction workers and cranes. There were also tons of people crowding around outside the sight, many of whom were holding signs.

I took several photos this morning with my phone, including one of a huge sign that said "The Bush Regime Engineered 9-11", but my Razr has decided not to let me share them. So, for the time being, I will post this photo I took of last year's tribute.More to come...

I'm baaack

Texas was great, that is, except for the plane rides. The worst of which being when I got on a plane, and the guy sitting next to me proceeded to ask me if I had heard about the plane crash that had occurred that morning. Note to travelers: It is not a good idea to talk about plane crashes to strangers on a plane, if you don't want to freak them out. Common Sense? I guess not. The second worst flight experience was the first leg going down. There were storms of outside of Houston, so after circling for a long time, the pilot informed us that we were out of fuel and had to be diverted to Beaumont. Surprisingly enough, I had always wanted to visit Beaumont, after being in an emotional play during high school when I played a USO girl during the Vietnam war who was from there, but when I was sitting on the runway there for an hour, not so much. The flight attendants started a second movie for us, which was enjoyable and made the time fly by, however, the plane landed before it was done, and I never got to see the end, so now I will have to add that silly fluff of a plane movie to my netflix queue to have some closure. I need closure.

My nephew is super cute though, and the bris party was fun. I even was chosen to be the Kvatterin, which means I carried the baby to have his you know what, you know what-ted. I kept boasting that I was going to be the official Kvetcher (which means "complainer" in Yiddish), because I kept forgetting the real name. In the initial photos I saw of my nephew, he looked a bit smooshy (which was no surprise after his three week stay in the canal), but when I went to meet him a week later, his head was perfectly round and he looked like a little cherub. It's amazing what the body can go through and just pop right back. I couldn't help but take about a billion photos while I was in Texas(no surprises there). I will only subject you to four. **This is where I pause for a collective "aaaaaaww".

Okay, maybe one more photo. Here I am with the little guy, who was looking a bit red after a good cry. He had just woken up from a nap on my voluptuous pillows, and wanted something that they just could not provide him with.

So now, me and my pillows are back home, and will not be traveling again for a long time. Other than that, I have been busy this past week entertaining(and being entertained by) the most fabulous houseguests ever, while drinking pitchers of margaritas, playing dress-up, and pretending that the summer is not coming to an end.