Tuesday, October 18, 2005

They have the spark of evil in them


...the people who control the thermostats for the high-rise in which I work. E-vil.

It has never been even remotely close to comfortable. It was so cold throughout the summer months that not a person could ever be found without layers of sweaters and shawls to prevent shivering. Descending the steps between the icy offices and the sweltering subway platforms became a strip show of sorts, or in a matter of moments my goose bumps would be replaced by sweat droplets. And being the sweat-phobic that I am, I was fast to shed my many layers.

But that all changed yesterday, when we made the drastic leap from blasting a/c to broiling heat. With a single flip of a switch, or turn of a dial, some person who probably gets off on seeing other people suffer, has made it so stiflingly hot that I am thinking of pulling out the summer clothes that I never got to wear because of the ice box in which I had been working. I swear, the colder it gets outside, the less clothes I can to wear to work. There is probably some man behind a curtain, who gets the cold weather blues, and is thinking, Hmmmm... What will raise my spirits? Women wearing as few clothes as possible.

Yesterday, not only did we usher in the office heatwave, but at once we entered the scariest time of year: electric shock season. I had almost forgotten that feeling of being afraid. Living in fear of touching anything... doors, filing cabinets, coworkers, all because of shocks. And not slight shocks, but the big bright flash shocks that feel like a zap to the core of your being. The kind of shocks that make you jump and feel like your hair is standing straight up. I must face it, I am doomed. Doomed to live the life of a fearful flincher once again.

Some day, I imagine I will hear maniacal laughter coming from the supply closet, and with that I will stumble upon his secret control room, with rows of thermostats lining the walls and video monitors showing offices filled with people shivering, sweating, and shocking each other, over which a man with a sly smile will be hovering, saying over and over to himself, Excellent. Exxxxcellent.
posted by Danielle @ 1:03 PM |

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