Name Shorteners beware

You know what I don't get? Name Shorteners... Those people to whom I am introduced as Danielle, and the next minute are calling me Dani, or even, dare I say, Dan? Do I look like a guy to you? What gives them the right to truncate my name anyway, when I don't even know them? And even if I do know them, what makes them think I would want them to call me that?

We have one such name slasher where at work. Hey Dan, he'll say, Have you seen Jen (referring to Jennifer)? Is Rob (meaning Robert) coming in today? I'm sure they didn't give him the go-ahead either, because Robert is so NOT a Rob. This has obviously has been getting under my skin, but beyond that, sometimes I worry for the poor guy. I mean, what happens if someone has bad memories associated with a certain nickname, like a nasty ex used to use it or something? They might snap, and suddenly start hitting him over the head with a Swingline stapler or jabbing number 2 pencils into his eyeballs. Or what happens if the boss doesn't appreciate having someone make his or her name sound more casual? The shorteners job could be shortened on him... all because of some seemingly harmless name trimming.

Sometimes, I want to shorten his name right back at him, but it's not a shortenable name. I have thought about lengthen his name. Or trying out a new name altogether for him. But then he might think that I find his ways cute or amusing and make a game of it. I don't think so. And passive aggressive has never been a pretty color on me anyway.

And what about those people who refer to Jennifer Aniston as Jenn, or Katie Holmes as Kate? I just don't get it. Maybe they want to feel like they are all "BFF" with the stars, but I bet majority of those people just read some generic comment in a gossip column by a so-called anonymous source, who was most likely some Joe Schmo Name Shortener who met them one time at a party or made it up to feel cool and get published.

By the way, Kate and Jenn thank you for the outpouring of support regarding the pregnancy and divorce. Oh, and you can call me D.