why i can't celebrate x-mas

No, it's not just because I'm Jewish. It's because if a large man in a puffy suit even tried to enter my house, be it by fireplace or by front door, my sweet little dream of a dog would turn into a little devil and attack. I can see it now... red fabric frayed and flying, patten leather squeaking, and white hair tufts floating to rest on top of the television.

Not a pretty sight.

I guess I will have to settle for a lifetime of Chinese food and movies on Christmas with the rest of the Jews.